where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Your mouth is God's brothel.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
