I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
