dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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