He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
