You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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