it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
