how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I have post one night stand depression
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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