in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize