So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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