really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
