I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
