I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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