And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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