i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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