Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The best revenge is premature balding
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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