Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
