my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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