whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The struggles of a small town man whore
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
