I got chris browned last night
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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