Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
