Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I AM VODKA MAN
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
