would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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