I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
