so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
