the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
