i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
