Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
