Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
