You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
