I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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