good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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