Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Randomize
