Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
