So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
