why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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