Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
