i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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