You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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