Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
