Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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