Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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