i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
