At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
