ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize