...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
