I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize