I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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