you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
