Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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