bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
