we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
