He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
