im so drunk with asians
where?
always
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize