break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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