I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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