In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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