I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
