I wish they made helmets for livers.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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