i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
