I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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