I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
