you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
