Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
