either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The air was thick with penises
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
