I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The best revenge is premature balding
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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