she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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