Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
