were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
