I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
