so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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