just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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