just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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