Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm too high and old for this...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
