his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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