Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
