I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We left an ass print on the piano.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
