I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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