You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i drank out of a bidet.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
