Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
