I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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