Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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