its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
