We named our party play list daddy issues
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
