dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
