I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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