tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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